Some advice if you're struggling with not feeling good enough.
I've personally been going through a weird time lately, especially now that I'm approaching 30 in a couple of years. I know I mention this a lot, but I really do feel like I'm massively behind where I should be in life. I've found myself wanting a car and a house more than ever, I want to better my appearance such as new clothes and more tattoos, I want to be able to take my girlfriend to nice places and I get frustrated that right now, I can't really afford any of these things, so I had to really sit down with myself and analyse why this is such an issue for me.
It took me a while, but I finally realised, it's actually not, I don't actually need these materialistic things, but society makes me feel like it's what I should have. I think a big chunk of people make the same mistake of letting outside pressures get to them, and influence our goals and wants, without thinking about what we actually want as an individual. Although this probably sounds extremely self centred and big headed, I have the misconception that if I obtain or possess certain things in life, I will both automatically become happy, and also be seen as successful. In the end though, that’s all it is, a misconception, it’s a way of thinking that I’ve suffered with for years, but I’d really like to stop myself from suffering by improving my mindset, and sharing how I’m achieving that on here, incase any of you guys are struggling with a similar issue.
First of all, let go of your ego.
If you're living life, like I have been, believing that you should have certain items or accolades to show for where you're at in life, it’s likely that you'll never be truly happy because it's something that needs to be happening internally, not externally.
Even people who do think that they have it all figured out early on in life, will probably always want to improve and become better, and eventually, maybe completely change focus and re-learn new things and take a different path. You’re constantly re-inventing yourself, we all are which makes it impossible to compare ourselves to each other.
It's very easy to cling onto the past or to be constantly working towards the future, but it's so important to remember to live in the present, because nothing is permanent. You could be missing out on what you have now, and really, that’s all you’ve ever got.
Your life is about you
Another thing that really affects me is how other people perceive me, especially my family and my followers on social media. I don't have the things that most of my family do such as a car, a house or even a steady income, and it's very easy to see that they don't think what I do (freelancing) is safe or predictable. Valid points which I understand, but I also feel like those points have been portrayed as negative and undesirable.
Whereas when I think about what matters to me, I actually prefer having a reason to work hard, no, my income isn't steady, which means it's also uncapped, and no freelancing isn't predictable, which makes it exciting, fun, and a constant learning curve. They might be negatives for others but it's important to identify what matters to you, because it's your life. In all honesty, if I had the choice to trade my career for a full time job, a car, and a house, I can tell you now I 100% wouldn't do it because although it's hard and stressful, I love freelancing so much and it's a part of me as an individual that I thoroughly enjoy.
It's a similar situation with my following on social media, although they've never projected their thoughts and feelings about my choices onto me, I'm always worrying about if they think I'm even good enough to be sharing the information that I do or that my work isn't good enough in general. Even though it's a valid feeling, it's all just completely internal and something we need to eliminate ourselves through speaking positively to ourselves, and only focusing on what gets us closer to our goals, and realise that worrying is just a waste of time.
It's also important to remember that it really doesn't matter what other people think regardless, and if they do think negative of you or your work, it's not someone that's going to be beneficial in your life anyway. Another important thing to remember is that when people do have negative things to say about what your doing, it's quite often because you're doing something that they never did, pursuing your dreams, something they might not have got the opportunity to do.
Impermanence
When I'm going through a bit of a bad patch, one thing that I always remind myself of is the impermanence of everything in life, including life itself.
Society has a huge impact these days on our self confidence and our motivation. If we see someone with our ideal lives, it's easy to think they got lucky or had money, there surely must be some external factor behind why they're successful, usually just because they haven't shared their journey or struggles. Its like we automatically become defensive because we haven't achieved our dreams yet, almost as if we are trying to make excuses for ourselves by using our circumstances or situation as a reason for not being where we want to be.
But I just want to flip that for a second too, there might be people that did just get lucky, have a rich family or the right network etc. However, there are also things that happen in life such as illness or fatal accidents where life can be taken away just like that, no matter how hard you've worked or how much you've given back., which is why it's so important to go after what you want in life and do what makes you happy every single day.
It's common for people to wonder what's the point of doing the hard work and giving back to others if you're going to die anyway? But that's just it, it's about something bigger than you. It's about living your absolute best life, finding happiness on a daily basis, working hard for your dreams and teaching others how to do the same.
I know this was a bit of an extra long one full of personal thoughts but thank you so much for reading if you stayed until the end and I hope it helps!